Posted by: bitsydungaree | May 2, 2008

They Wanted a Blonde and This Cheese Tastes Like Air

I am in the midst of a major transition.

One of my many New Years resolutions was to stop being a theatre snob and start auditioning for things that might actually generate income, mainly the three things I have been avoiding like the plague for my entire “career” as an actress: commercials, television, and film. I committed to myself that I would not audition for another play until I had really started to make progress in those departments — not an easy thing for a girl who is used to being in rehearsal for her next show before she closes whatever show she’s currently in!

Last week, I quit all but my Saturday night job (I realize only after typing it what that sounds like, but I assure you, it is nothing as lucrative as exotic dancing or prostitution) and now my “job” is auditioning…if you can call what I have been doing “auditioning” when it is really more accurately described as driving an hour in traffic to wait for another hour to slate and eat imaginary food for 30 seconds.

This is a totally different beast.

I can walk into an audition for any play and, whether or not I am the prettiest girl in the room or the one with the most training, I know that I can hold my own with anyone else there. The confidence I have in my skill and work ethic as an actress gives me an ease when I audition for theatre work that I hold largely responsible (along with the aforementioned skill and discipline) for how frequently I am called back and ultimately cast.

Let me say it again: this is a totally different beast.

There’s no monologue. There’s no scene. Usually there’s not even any text at all.

And I’m even saying I don’t like it. I had a blast this afternoon dancing for thirty seconds in my kitchen (a casting studio) cooking up a delicious dinner (stirring an empty bowl.) It’s just very strange to me that my being cast or not depends solely on thirty seconds worth of look and personality. And, I suppose that I do have the advantage over all of the model-types that I have done enough acting and improv to not be shaken by walking into an audition and being asked to do something totally bizarre involving food and props which do not actually exist. The model-types, however, have a rather obvious advantage over me which (as hotness is probably a more important casting consideration than whether or not the actress looks like she really believes she is eating a turkey sandwich instead of maybe ham or tuna) probably leaves the deck stacked in their favor.

So instead of working on monologues and reading new plays, I suppose I should start practicing mime and mastering the art of eating imaginary food. And now that I think of it, if I really master the art of eating imaginary food, the models won’t have much of an advantage over me after all.


  1. oh, I love this candid response to auditioning for theatre vs. film. So true. How I love you, my theatre goddess!!!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s


%d bloggers like this: