I was at a party recently where a girl I had just met kept referring to one of our mutual male friends as “her bitch,” mocking what I have always considered to be the beautiful fruits of a generous spirit. Why emasculate him in front of his friends for trying to make sure she was having a good time? Why not thank him for being so attentive to her needs?

With this still on my mind, I couldn’t help noticing a friend of mine, last weekend, repeatedly label the behavior of her man as gay.

Why are we tearing our men down instead of building them up?

I want to be someone my man can count on to encourage and support him, not someone he is worried will embarrass him in front of his friends by making him the punchline of a joke. I want him to know that, when his buddies get on his case, I’ve got his back.

And I think that, often times, this starts innocently enough. In my experience, male friendships involve a lot more teasing and – let’s call a spade a spade – ridicule than female friendships, so I think we sometimes try to get in good with a new beau’s friends by showing that we can keep up, and teasing right along with them. Being able to go blow for blow with the boys (seriously, no homo-erotic innuendo intended) makes us feel like we are a part of our man’s inner circle.

I certainly know that I have been guilty of this in the past, but I also recognize that it is a slippery slope, and one that I want to avoid.

Call me crazy, but I don’t think this is a pattern we want to fall into. Yes, I live in the real world and am fully aware that my man is flawed like the rest of us, but I don’t think that means it is healthy for either of us, or for the relationship, if I exploit those weaknesses for the sake of putting myself at ease.

I think Tammy Wynette knew what she was talking about when she sang:

And if you love him
Be proud of him
‘Cause after all, he’s just a man

You know the rest. Sing it. It’s damn good.

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